Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
