yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
