mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I supernannyed him into submission
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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