no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
