You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
