I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
