Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
