Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
