i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
