I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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