There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
