Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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