just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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