Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And my parents said I crawled through the house
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize