FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
