when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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