i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In America we eat man semen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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