Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
