Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
