well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
