I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
