I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In other news, I just burned my penis
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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