Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
