oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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