Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
