shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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