Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
