if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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