It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
