well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
