I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
