i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize