how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Of course I have a pirate flag
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We are all done wearing pants today
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
