I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's the barista slut.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
