nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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