I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
