we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
