well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
