I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my poor anus
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
