Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
