is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
