I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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