Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
