And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize