From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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