It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
