I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
