I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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