even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize