someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
