she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is the high leading the old right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
