I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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