im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
