go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
