i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
