my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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