I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
