I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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