Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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