I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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