maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
