You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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