I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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