1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
