Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize