I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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