he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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