Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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