i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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