just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize