she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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