i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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