So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
