No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I pour the whiskey from now on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
