he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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