I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The uberlube is also flammable
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
