ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
