I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
