How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
