You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My pussy is not your playground.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
