Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
